Without You
by Mlle Lambert
Summary: AU. What if Booth never woke up after his surgery, leaving Brennan to decide to have a baby, after all? Takes place starting about 10 months after the season 4 finale...so in other words, season 5 as we know it did not happen.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Without You

**Disclaimer:** Whoever owns them, owns them! If I did, I most certainly wouldn't just be writing the fanfics!

**Author's Note:** This has been floating around in my head for quite a while, and I'm just now getting it down. So what if Booth had never woken up after his surgery? This explores what might have happened in an alternate universe where Brennan makes the decision to have his child and how differently things as a whole would be without Booth.

* * *

The pain was by far worse than anything she had ever experienced before. Her entire body ached and each contraction nearly stole her breath. She could feel the perspiration all over her body. The unfamiliar tears she held back left her telling herself it was because of the pain and not the circumstance. Still, his face haunted her mind—the proportionality and the planes of his features, the crooked smile he always gave her, and soft brown eyes full of trust in her. She knew he would want to be there.

A cool hand came to rest on her forehead. "You're doing great, sweetie," Angela soothed.

Temperance managed a small smile for her best friend, but it was hard to focus. She'd realized too late that she'd gone into labor, and by the time they'd made it to the hospital, she had been far too close to delivery for pain medication. It was only a matter of time now. Another wave of pain hit and she squeezed Angela's hand as the doctor told her to push.

She lost track of time and the world narrowed. She compartmentalized the pain until it dimmed enough that she could think again. The being that had been growing inside of her for eight and a half months was about the enter the world she had always known. It had grown fro one cell into a fully formed human. A baby, she corrected. Her baby—no, _their_ baby. Half of his genetic structure had combined with her to make this child a possibility.

Booth would have called it a miracle.

Fresh tears stung her eyes as a clenching in her chest brought all the pain back full-force.

"Okay, Dr. Brennan, one last push..."

She followed directions and moments later, a piercing and angry wail filled the room. Temperance collapsed back into the bed, out of breath and aching, but it was over.

"Congratulations, Dr. Brennan. It's a boy."

A boy. She closed her eyes. She had elected not to know the baby's gender before the birth, knowing that if he'd been here Booth would have argued with her so many unknown reasons to keep it a surprise. She smiled through her weariness, the odd happiness that flooded through her confirming that it had, in fact, been worth it.

A nurse placed the now swaddled bundle in her arms a few minutes later. It went against all logic, but the moment she looked down at him and the tiny baby opened her beautiful brown eyes to gaze back at her, she felt and onslaught of strangely familiar emotions. From all that she had read and knew already, she could identify it as the beginning of a bond between parent and child. Booth had told her once that when he'd seen Parker for the very first time, he'd immediately felt a deeper love than he'd ever known. Now, she know what he meant. This was what it really felt like to love someone unconditionally. Now that she had a name for it, she couldn't believe she had missed it before. Her heart wrenched when she remembered that she would never get to share any of this with him.

Letting the baby take his first opportunity to nurse, she looked contentedly up at Angela. "Look at him, Ange."

Angela seemed to be completely enamored already. "He looks like Booth. You better watch it, Bren, he'll be a heart-breaker one day."

"I don't know what that means," Brennan said, but then the impact of Angela's words hit her. _He looks just like Booth._ She felt a tear roll down her cheek. "I wish he could be here, Ange."

"I know, sweetie," Angela affirmed, squeezing her best friend's arm in reassurance.

Her son made a noise somewhat asking to a groan. Brennan smiled down at him and spoke softly. "Hey there, my baby boy. I'm you're mother, and I'm going to take really good care of you. My little darling, my little Joseph Maxwell Brennan-Booth."

"Joseph Maxwell?" Angela asked with a smile.

"It is customary in many cultures for parents to name their children after previous generations of family members. I thought it appropriate to follow such a tradition," Brennan explained. "Joseph for his father and Maxwell for mine."

"How can you think like that at a time like this? My complete attention would be on the new love of my life," Angela teased gently.

Gazing down at her son once more, Temperance felt that emotion again. "Nothing I read or heard prepared me for this. I knew I would feel a bond, but I didn't expect to feel so much affection for someone I've barely met."

"Oh, Bren, he's been growing inside of you for almost nine months. Don't tell me you haven't dreamed of this moment since you found out you were pregnant."

"I honestly haven't," Brennan replied, but it was a half-truth. "I have only looked forward to it for the past few weeks," she amended.

"Whatever," Angela replied softly, shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

Joseph had long since stopped nursing and was beginning to look around curiously. He focused the most of Brennan and Angela, seemingly fascinated by them. And that was when two words so unlike Dr. Temperance Brennan slipped out. "He's adorable."

Angela could only smile widely in response.

* * *

So what do you think so far? I'll continue writing this, but it really depends on the response in the long run. So, please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**A/N:** This one's quite a bit shorter, mainly because I'm still working out the kinks about how the rest of the story is going to go. Thanks so much for the reviews that have already come in! And I know there may be some worry about Brennan not being in character, especially after this chapter. I'll hopefully get to explain that in story but as Booth was quoted, having a kid will humanize her. And it has been almost a year. A lot can happen in a year. So, on to the next part. This takes place about six weeks after Chapter One.

* * *

"You should see him, Booth," she wrote the words with pen and on paper. "I know you would want that. Everyone tells me that he's beautiful—that he looks like you. He has your eyes..." she continued describing their son to him in silent words so she could read them out later without losing the meaning of what she intended to say because she felt strange talking to herself.

It was far more than she would have done a few short years ago, and she had him to thank for that. She had him to thank for so many things from their very first case together six years ago to the last time they spoke before his surgery. She even had him to thank for her son. She remembered asking him to be the father of her child, and how he had reacted before accepting. She remembered sitting by his bedside for weeks hoping he would wake up, contemplating what to do if he didn't, and refusing to accept the inevitable although the odds became worse every day.

That was what had pressed her into action. Reliving their last conversation had made it all the more clear what she had to do.

_ "Listen Bones, if I don't make it…"_

_"Booth, you're gonna be fine."_

_"But if I'm not? I want you to have my stuff, you know, for a kid."_

_"Booth…"_

_"I want you to…You're gonna be a really good mom."_

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Temperance signed the letter and placed it in an envelope labeled with his name so she could find it later and placed it in her coat pocket. It was her first day back at the Jeffersonian since the birth, and she had a lot to do between that moment and six, when she would pay the father of her child a visit, also for the first time since the birth.

A cry came from the nursery, signaling that Joseph was awake. She abandoned the coffee that she had been reaching for and walked the few feet to his room and picked him up from his crib, holding him in her arms and giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Good morning, Joseph," she greeted, the inexplicable but now welcome joy and contentment coursing through her as it did every time she saw him. She took him to her rocking chair, unbuttoning her blouse with one hand so he could nurse.

Several minutes later, the doorbell rang. Perfect timing, she thought as she covered herself back up and headed for the door with Joseph in her arms. The new nanny had arrived, and Brennan quickly reviewed the schedule and important information with the other woman before handing her child into her care, gathering her things, and giving her son a kiss goodbye. "If you have any questions or problems, you have both my cell and office number," she repeated for at least the second time as the nanny followed her toward the door.

"Of course, Dr. Brennan. You have nothing to worry about. Your son is in good hands. I'll see you at eight," the younger woman said with a reassuring smile, making it obvious that she had dealt with many first time mothers who were leaving their child alone with a near stranger. "We'll be fine."

Temperance took a mental step back, shaking her head and taking a deep breath. This was so unlike her. "I'm sorry. Yes, I will see you this evening." She kissed Joseph again and squeezed his small hand before heading out the door, already running slightly late.

* * *

_Again, I apologize for it being so short. The next one will be longer, I promise! Please let me know what you think. I always enjoy hearing from you guys! And don't worry, we'll hear more about how she made the decision, etc. I haven't written it yet, but I would imagine there were probably tears. In other words, things might get a little on the sad side. I'll give you fair warning, though, so you can have the tissues handy!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Without You

**Disclaimer:** Whoever owns them, owns them! If I did, I most certainly wouldn't just be writing the fanfics!

**Author's Note:** Okay, sorry it's taken so long to get this out! It's been a hectic couple of days! Also, thanks everyone for the reviews and story alert adds! It's much appreciated! A couple of you wanted a flashback leading up to the decision to have Booth's child, so here you go, as requested. Obviously, I'm not done. I'll probably cover one more chapter on this and then bring us back to present day. I apologize if Bones is a bit more full of heart than you might be used to. I would imagine that this would affect her quite a bit, especially so soon after asking Booth to father her child. So...without further ado...

* * *

_One year ago..._

"Bone composition confirms that she lived and died in the late sixteenth century in a location consistent with where she was found," Brennan commented as she looked over the many test results that had just come back from other parts of the lab before turning back to the bones in on the table, giving them a quick once over, her gaze lighting on the obviously fatal blow that killed the woman and caused the skull to fracture radially. She had looked over these remains countless times in the past several days, trying to bury herself in work and keep her mind off of what was going on in the real world.

It was irrational, she would think in retrospect, but at that time, she kept telling herself she was only compartmentalizing in order to get the work done. Truthfully, what was more irrational was her reaction to the events of the past several weeks. The odds of Booth coming out of surgery without any problems whatsoever had been statistically optimistic. She had even observed it at his own request. The doctors had done everything as they should have, and the surgery had, in fact, went well. Booth, however, had not fared well afterwards. They had expected him to stay unconscious perhaps for a few days to allow time for his body to recover, but when he never came out of the coma, things changed. When his condition began to deteriorate, every decision became dire.

Everyone she had ever cared about had left her. He was no exception. She had never expected it to last forever, but she also hadn't expected it to end this soon. Five years ago, he'd walked up to her with a charming grin and asked if she believed in fate. She'd replied that it was ludicrous. A year after that, after a drunken kiss and a fight that ended in them not speaking to each other, they'd somehow found a way to work together again. No, she still didn't believe in fate, but that first memory would always stay with her. She recalled so many of those little conversations at the diner after a case, realizing that every single one of those moments would stay in her memory. A part of him would always be with her...

"Dr. Brennan, are you all right?" Mr. Nigel-Murray's voice nearly startled her.

Temperance looked up to meet the intern's eyes, realizing that during her reverie she had been staring intently at the skull in front of her. "Um...sorry." She closed her eyes and shook her head, re-compartmentalizing, as always, as they continued the examination of the remains.

Later, she sat down at her desk, head in her hands as she tried to sort through the unwanted emotions connected to what had been happening. She didn't know how long she stayed like that before she heard a knock on the open door. Cam stepped into the office, eyes slightly puffy and red from crying, but belying confidence otherwise. "I just wanted to let you know that if you need to take a few days, I understand. Booth—" she paused to pinch the bridge of her nose, then regained her composure. "This is hitting all of us pretty hard. He w—"

Brennan quickly cut her off. "Thanks, Cam, but I'll be fine."

The other woman opened her mouth to say something else, but decided against it. She excused herself then, shaking her head as she walked away.

* * *

Parking her car, Temperance headed up to her apartment with Thai just like they'd always shared on those late nights, but this time, it would just be her. She hadn't actually been here in days, but Angela had practically forced her out of the lab and told her to go home. As she opened the door and looked around, it somehow felt empty, but that made no sense to her at all. Taking a seat on the couch, she opened the takeout container and started to eat.

_ "Listen Bones, if I don't make it…"_

Those words haunted her. A part of him. That's what he'd offered. Even a last request? She didn't know, but ever since everything had gone so...wrong, she'd been thinking about it. The issue had been off the table from the moment she'd noticed something wrong with him. It had been the last thing on her mind when the doctors had told her about the brain tumor, and when he'd brought it up, she'd wanted to just dismiss it because she didn't care anymore—as long as he made it out okay. But he didn't.

There was no easy way to say it, but she'd lost Booth. She didn't think she'd ever really get used to that, but there was no changing it.

_"You're gonna be a really good mom."_

It was then that Dr. Temperance Brennan did something completely out-of-character. Grabbing a throw pillow and hugging it to her, she lay down on the couch and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

_So what do you think so far? Please R&R! I'll get the next chapter up within the next few days!_


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